Tuesday, May 25, 2010

graduation weekend and them some

Wow, I cant believe its been three months since finals week started. So much has happened and yet so little has really changed. Isn’t that the way it always goes though? Things happen and change but you keep living life, adapt to new situations, sometimes without even realizing it.

Finals week was insane busy. But this finals week was different from all the others I’ve had. Because I took the semester nursing school I’m not graduation till December. This means I’m not a may grad. Duh right? Well that means all my friends were celebrating freedom and participating in senior week activities and wanted me to do so as well. However I still had the pressure of finals as well. See only may grads are excused from spring finals. There was no way I was going to pass up a chance to hang out with my friends for what possibly could be the last few times. On top of finals and the activities of senior week was packing and moving and getting ready for pinning. All that to say it was a time consuming stressful week. And thats without adding in the emotional stress I was feeling as well.

After finals were finally done, I had to sit through both the social work and nursing pinnings. For those of you who don’t know what pinning is, its like a small intimate graduation that only the schools of social work and nursing have. Its kinda a big deal. First was the social work pinning. My roommate of four years was being pinned that day. She was also chosen for the social worker of the year or some award like that. She’s amazing and totally deserved the award. There were tears through the whole ceremony, but that’s to be expected right?

The nursing pinning was both beautiful and painful. I watched some of my dearest friends finally accomplish what they’ve been killing themselves to achieve for the past four years. I have never been more proud. At the same time my heart was breaking. I was watching them walk across that I was supposed to be walking across. I know I made the right decision to take an extra semester but it still sucked. Also, as each person walked across that stage I felt them slip from my life. Ok, I know that’s quite dramatic and in reality not entirely true. Its not like any of them were dying or anything. But still, it sucked.

I sobbed through the whole thing. I mean from the time I sat down through the reception, I sobbed. If you don’t know me, I’m a crier. I would look at one of my friends graduating and tears would come fresh and plentiful. I would look at my profs, the same thing would happen. I tried not looking anywhere and that was even worse. I thought I couldn’t cry any harder, that was until a my closest nursing friend(we call her fajita) mentioned me personally in her thank you. see all the nursing graduates write a 6-8 line thank you. it usually thanks parents, husbands, roommate, profs, friends, God. Things like that. When I heard my name and a couple inside jokes mentioned with it, I lost all sense and of decorum and sobbed out loud. Cue the entire audience to look at me. Yeah, that was awkward.

After the ceremony this slightly elderly couple turns around and the woman says ‘honey, you are not a liar. That he beginning of this you said you would cry throughout whole thing. And you did.’ The husband says ‘young lady, I not much for crying. But you had me crying through this whole program.’ I apologized profusely. They both said they thought it was sweet. Next they tell me they are my professor’s parents. Not just any prof. the one prof who generally scares the crap out of me. Again, awkward.

The rest of the weekend was a blur. On Saturday my roommates and I finally moved everything out of the apartment, I sat through the undergrad and graduate ceremonies, and said hello and goodbye to both my parents and my friends’ families.
(oh yeah my brother-in-law was graduating from the masters program. So add that funness to the mix)
Remember the friend who thanked me personally? Fajita? She’s from North Carolina. She was on my floor freshman year, we became friends, and stayed friends all four years. While her parents were leaving, her dad pulls me aside and thanks me for being such a good friend. Talks about how having her half way across the country was so much easier when they knew she was loved and had people who cared for her. I was shocked. I had no idea that they really even knew who I was. I had only really met them twice before. So of course I broke down crying, again. By this time I’ve lost count of how many time of broken down. I’m sure I look like a crazy person to everyone else.

Not thirty minutes later, my social worker roommate’s family was saying goodbye. This roommate is my best friend. We’ve known each other for over ten years. Her family has meant a lot to me. Her parents always treated me way better than my own. Her whole family immediately accepted me without even a question. They showed me what unconditional love was and I am forever in their debt for that. Her parents always tell me they love me and that I mean a lot to them. My memories of those words are some of my greatest possessions. So I expected it when her parents both embraced me and told me they loved me. What I didn’t expect was her grandmother pulling beside and telling that she prayed for me and that she thought of my as her own granddaughter. That was my last straw. I thanked her, again and again, told her it meant a lot to me, sad a general goodbye to everyone, turned, and left. I went to my now, empty apartment, fell to the floor and, for lack of a better word, wailed till I was exhausted.

I couldn’t take all the emotion of the weekend. Everything was changing suddenly, all at once. We all know this is going to happen when we start college. It has to end sometime. But I was not prepared for it. Again, I know now that it wasn’t the end of the world, but plain and simple, it still sucked.

The next day, Sunday, I went to church with a new friend of mine. We met this semester in one of the gen-eds I was taking. And because I try to keep anonymity on here I’ll refer to her as kt from now on. kt is a social work major, amazing, and I’m so lucky I met her. Any way she was leaving for Thailand the next day. So we went to church, then my favorite Chinese place for lunch, and said our goodbyes. She just got back to the states safe and sound today. I’m looking forward to getting to know each other next semester.

Skip a few days till Thursday. I had the opportunity to spend some time with Fajita. She was staying in Illinois until her mission trip to Argentina. While chilln here she was working an event at my tiny university. Her job was to sit and keep on eye the dorms where people where staying. Most boring job ever. So, I kept her company like any good friend would do. Really nothing exciting. We just played internet games and watch tv on my computer. Come Sunday I watched her get on a bus and head toward Argentina. As of today (over a week later) we still haven’t heard anything from the team. I know they are ok though.

The rest of the day I hung out with my social worker (old)roommate. She’s sticking around until she starts grad school in Kentucky. It was proly one of the most relaxing afternoons I’ve ever had. While she watched the blackhawks game, I was on my computer and we chatted back and forth like it was any other Sunday. It was totally what I needed.

More on the last, most recent week is soon to come. Its almost 4:30 right now. And don’t worry I’ve learned my lesson, I’m going to try and update this thing more often so I don’t sound like a crazy person trying to remember everything.

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